Going On

Well I'm back a couple days late.

First I'd like to say I'm in fact living pay check to pay check and it's a terrible feeling. I need to stop doing a lot of things but I don't want to. I hope the money situation gets better when Doe finally finds a place that is looking for employees and give her good hours.

The thing I had on my mind yesterday were just old thoughts about myself and meeting new people. I love meeting new people but then I don't. I like the 'thrill' of change and just having something new in the mix, but then there are a few things that making meeting new people for me a bit of a hassle. I'm sure I've already said these things to someone and I might have already posted about it earlier in my life.

1. When I meet new people, lets say from the Internet (myspace, facebook, whatever) I'm in no way the same person I am online. I'm quiet, struggling for something to say and terribly awkward. Which is how I was around Doe the first time I met her. I remember walking up to her at the Alewife train station and she was fiddling with her phone and listening to her iPOD. I was pretty nervous but I sat down next to her and said hello. Thinking back I think I looked like an idiot and my posture was probably awful. I probably looked like an idiot because I feel like I was trying to come off cool and suave. Either way, we walked to my car and she wanted a hug immediately because prior to meeting she talked about how she loved giving/receiving hugs and how she sort of got a feeling for a person based on this hug. Needless to say we hugged and I hate to even think about it now because of how terrible I acted, ha! It was a short hug and I don't think I knew what to do with myself. I remember her being disappointed because I told her how awkward I was going to be and she was hoping she'd be a different story.

Taking a moment to think about that, I don't think I'll ever meet anyone for the first time and not be awkward. There's too much to think about and there's too much to find out about this person. It's so different with friends I've known for years, I can just sit next to them and not say a word for hours and it would never be awkward. I wish I could feel this way with everyone I meet but it's just something that I need to develop over time. But I guess they do say "It's only awkward if you make it awkward" and I never fail to make it awkward.

Anyways, continuing, the ride from Alewife back to Wilmington was filled with awkward exchanges between Doe and myself, mostly from myself because Doe doesn't seem to ever get awkward. I felt more comfortable after she called me out for being so awkward, which is something I try to do whenever I hit an awkward hump. If I run into an old acquaintance and there's a moment of awkward silence during our quick 'catching up' conversation, I just tell them it has gotten awkward and end our verbal exchange. I find that this method really can go two ways. One, I can say "well this has gotten awkward" and people will laugh and think it's hilarious and it gets really less awkward. Or I can say it, and everyone laughs uncomfortable and the awkwardness continues because no one knows what to do. Or maybe it's the same result every time but I for some reason warp specific bad ones into good ones. Oh well.

There was going to be a 2 and 3 on the subject, but who cares!



I get asked a lot by my co-worker and various others, "How's the married life?"

It's good for the hundredth time and probably not the last time.

To be honest, there isn't any blaring difference about being married and being boyfriend and girlfriend. Especially living together. The thing that scares or excites people about being married in my eyes is the permanence of it. I enjoy it. I think it's hard to explain, but I know I'm not scared about it. I hear a lot of the time that it's weird to have to spend the rest of your life with one person, or you're only going to be able to sleep with this one person for the rest of your life. Well I suppose those are the scared people. I'm sure it helps I'm indifferent to basically 70% of the things that come into my life, but I know I'm happy with my decisions (well my academic decisions could have been more thought out) and I love that Doe.

This is just banter again. It sure does not help I've been writing this on and off for two days. I feel like my thoughts are scattered and not making much sense!

I'm in a good mood right now, so I'll leave this off saying:
Life is good or at least all right. I'm in good health, I have a loving wife, three kittens who sleep on me and my bed, awesome/fun friends, and I have a really good time everyday.

Sure, my job isn't great and I have no clear direction (just like everyone else) and there's a good chance I'll end up here working this job I don't want to for the rest of my life. But I'm strangely content. Or maybe I feel content because I'm going to stop doing it and do something fulfilling. But then again, what is fulfilling to me is lifting a lot weight one day and beating some strange kid in Brazil in a Street Fighter Alpha 3 game the next day. I'm sure your fulfillment standards aren't much different.

I also find it fulfilling sleeping next to Doe and three cats.