It has been a long while

I just realize this blog was left at weird sort of limbo state about my where I am.

Months later, I moved in with Lane, Ryan, and Doe and it has been awesome. It's in Lowell (a nice part) It's really been a lot of fun and just awesome having a house that you can just do whatever you want! Renting of course.

Come by.

See you next time!

Three Weeks Later

Things have sure smoothed out in the past week or two.

My mother is no longer upset with me (or so it seems) but she seems to be upset with Doe. But Doe is also holding some sort of grudge too, so that's okay.

I visited my mother to get my bed a couple Sunday ago like I wrote about. I did and it was okay. Thankfully again, Lane was there to help me out. I don't show my appreciation for our friendship enough. I know I would do the same for Lane or any of my close friends.

Anyways, my mother didn't really speak to us the whole time we were getting the bed, but as we were leaving she said that I can always come back if I need to and basically telling me she still cared and was looking out for my well being.

Well, I went back the next weekend to pick up some mail and it was awkward as hell. I felt like she and I were sort of strangers. I picked up my mail, said hi and it just got silent and awkward. So I left and told her I'd see her later. I wish it wasn't like that but oh well. A lot of people like Doe's father for instance say things like "send her a card for valentines day" or "call her up and tell her you love her" things that are foreign to my family. As i grew up there was no forgiveness or resolving issues, it was only a conflict, than nothing. We pretended like nothing happened. Sort of. Obviously, it's hard to pretend this past incident didn't happen. What I'm saying is, people don't understand my situation. I'm not saying it's the worst situation, I'm just saying it's not solved so easily with the ways your family might deal with it.

Also, about the valentines things, why do families celebrate valentines day? Being in Doe's house this year for V-day, I was giving a box of chocolates from her family. I thought it was weird, even Doe had given her family cards. To me Valentines Day is just something for a couple or a whatever. Well, I guess to a guy who doesn't really even care about Christmas; why should I give a shit about Valentines day?

I should work.

TELL ME WHEN IT'S OVER

This week has been pretty hectic at work and even after work.

Nothing that really has to do with my mother. Although in the beginning of the week my uncle called and wants to talk to me about my marriage and about this whole mother issue. I don't really feel like it. I've been trying to finish my application to Jetblue but have for some reason been really slow to do it.

I'm wonder if I should even leave my job and work at JB? Would it be wise? Would I be happier? Maybe. I think I'd make more money, but I think my time seeing Doe would be cut down dramatically, especially if I try to work 60-65 hours a week. But when I think about it, I know I can do it. Especially if I have to do it. I need money.

Money has been a huge stresser these last couple weeks. I just keep thinking about it and how much I want it. I wouldn't say I'm greedy, I'd say I just want to live comfortably. Comfortably as in, not worry about anything. After writing that I feel like it doesn't make sense.

So it's almost been a full week living at Doe's parent's house and it's been alright. I still feel sort of out of place. I'm not sure how Doe willingly moved into my house when she did. She's just a different person than I am.

I don't mean any disrespect to Doe's parents or even Doe, but I can't wait to be out of their house in hopefully in a house of friends. It's not a bad situation at Doe's house but like I said I feel out of place and uncomfortable.

I find it really hard to talk in her house. Doe's father doesn't really seem to hear people I've come to notice. Sure, he'll ask me questions but I find he'll interrupt me as I'm trying to answer his question. Or if I try to explain something, he starts talking over me to tell me he understands. I'm not offended though, it just seems like something he does and I don't think it's intentional. I just find it odd.

If I have to stay in during the evening at Doe's house I do start to text people more than usual. I just like feeling connected to the outside world! I don't have many people I text really though. It's usually Ryan I text because I know I'm not bothering him.

I have to get my bed frame this Sunday from my mother's house and I'm not at all looking forward to it. I have no idea how she's going to act or if she's going to talk to me. Ehhh, oh well.

I need to get back to work.

Not to Come Off Dramatic

An update.

I moved out of my house on very bad terms with my mother.

I'm living with Doe's parents and hopefully moving out soon.

I have this feeling in the core of my body. I'm not sure what it is, but its making me feel down I guess. If this feeling had a color, it would be a dark gray.

I do not mind living with Doe's parents much, but there's just something weird about how I feel right now. I can't really explain it. I just know it's not a good feeling. Well I guess it could be sadness? I also for some reason feel lonely.

I want to say everything is messed up right now. But nothing really is, just my situation with my mother.

Well, here's to things getting better.

This Past Weekend

Just a little update. I know it's going to be a bit mundane, but hey, it was!

I spent this past weekend mainly at home. It would have been a good weekend for the Pereira's to be back in town so we could have at least hung out there.

Friday was good, Doe picked me up from work and we went to Macaroni Grill for a lil date. We took Japanese lessons while we waited the 45 mins to be seated, it flew by. The whole night I was feeling sort of sick due to my sinuses just making me dizzy and giving my head pains.

After we ate, Doe went to Barnes and Noble while I just Sat in the car with my sick and took more Japanese lessons. At this time it was probably Nine and we headed home. Doe went to be pretty instantly and me along with her.

In the morning, Doe went off to work and I laid in bed for an hour or maybe half an hour. It's not often I sleep too long after she leaves, but I had a decent amount of sleep anyways. When I woke up I put my laptop on my bed in front of me and I turned on the TV to watch the morning cartoons. I was happy to see that The Marvelous Misadventures of Flapjack.

That show is so good its unbelievable! I can't wait for it to come out on DVD so I can buy it and just have it playing in the background 24/7.

I basically just played Street Fighter and WoW on and off all day. Mostly Street Fighter because no one was around to play WoW with me. I found myself circling 4 O'clock and all I had done was be restless in bed waiting for someone to call me to hang out! But I realized that no one was around to call! Lane had gone to a show, Ryan had gone to work (I forgot), Jim had gone to work and was napping and The Pereira's were of course in Florida.

But even if Jim was available, where and what would we do without the hosting facilities of Lane's, Ryan's or The Basement? I suppose we could have gone out to hang somewhere else? But than money is something I'd rather not spend to go see a movie or whatever. Too bad we didn't have an arcade around here!

With Doe not coming home because she was doing make up at a photo shoot, I was all alone. At least Natty came online and he played WoW and even Street Fighter with me for a while.

What bummed me out was if I did have my car I could have been hanging out with Steph and Lina at a little surprise party Steph had invited me to, for Lina! It sounded cool, but there was no way for me of getting there. I'm fine I guess, but the way the whole day played out with doing nothing, I guess I was a bit irritated. Not at anyone, but the situation of being alone in my home.

Around 10, Ryan texted me and asked if we were going to play L4D and stuff, but we'd have to play it at 2AM because that's when he'd get home from work. With the knowledge of Doe not coming home until 4am or 5am, I agreed because I had been so bored the whole day I need to hang out with someone.

I'm glad I did because it was a lot of fun. I only wish Jim was there to be the fourth player. We made it through the 'subways' and got to Mercy Hospital where zombies where everywhere. Left 4 Dead is a terrific game that leaves me scared and surprisingly, wanting more.

We played until 5am, where Ryan gave me a ride back home (he had picked me up at 2am). Doe was irritated at me for not being home when she came home.

The next morning I guess Doe woke up early even though she didn't get much sleep. I'm not sure why she can't sleep sometimes, but it's bad. I slept until 2:30 - 3:00pm which I was bummed about, but I guess I needed to the sleep. I woke up to Doe playing WoW with Natty which I always like seeing ha.

We went to Market Basket and Staples and I believe we ended back home around 4? Then for the rest of the night we just played Wow and watched a movie.

Too much WoW and too little of Street Fighter in my opinion. I guess to much staying at home too.

Dan Hall and I have been doing this show if you haven't seen it. Our shows are pretty silly and probably wouldn't be good for you unless you knew us.

Hopefully we get a new one out soon. We were thinking about hosting our videos on youtube, but we'd probably get a lot of flak from random trolls. Or no flak at all?

Give it a try though.

Tom - Dan Mega Show: One


Tom - Dan Mega Show: Winter


Tom - Dan Mega Show: Pre-New years

First things first, this post will probably be something I'll be writing in all day. So please excuse how long or scattered my topics may be or seem!

Last night I went to see The Curious Case of Benjamin Button. Not to spoil anything, it's about a man, Benjamin Button, who is ages backwards. So he is born an old man and continuously gets younger as time passes. I found it very interesting and it was a three hour movie but it didn't seem that long at all.

Throughout the entire movie there life lessons scattered all about. Lessons that I guess would make you want to appreciate life.

The message I got from one of Benjamin's narrations was to live life as you choose. If you choose to stay the same or choose to change it is all alright and that we have our whole lives. While he is speaking it portrays Benjamin all around the world doing all sorts of jobs. Some jobs not as prestigious as the last but for some reason it was respectable to me. Of course this message to me was huge as I'm sure it'd be huge to anyone else with my mind set. But of course the message was helped by wonderful imagery, a monologue and melancholy music to help the mood!

As I've grown older I've realized that I'm not one for romantics. When I was younger, in middle school (ha) and high school, I figured I was going to be a great boyfriend! I always thought to myself how I would be a much better boyfriend then the boyfriends I heard girls gossiping over. I thought I'd be always understanding, charming, whatever else the perfect boyfriends from movies are like. But, looking to the past at the experience I have had as a boyfriend or even husband, I find I am not what I thought I'd be. This isn't to say I'm a bad husband or boyfriend, that is subjective though, but I am actually just a husband/boyfriend. Meaning, I'm not the 'sweep you off your feet' guy or the 'I'll beat you and harass you but you love me still' guy. I'm just your average boyfriend! if I were to judge myself, I'd say I can be insensitive sometimes and even negligent. I think sometimes I can sweet talk myself around the girl, but I'm not sure.

What makes me mention that is Benjamin Button. Who seemed to be a pretty romantic fellow.

To end this abruptly, I didn't right as much as I figured I would. Too busy ha!

Later

I'm Having Fun